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Wednesday, September 28, 2011

I've been thinking...

Where should I take this blog?  As of right now, this is a fairly personal picture blog with a few quotes.
I am new to blogger but I have noticed a trend, everyone has something to say. Well, me too!
I can give reviews. I can show you guys my fashion finds! It could be cool.
I think I just may get a bit more involved in the blogging community.

I'll see where it goes!

Monday, September 19, 2011

"It concerns me that so many people are willing to leave their mark on the world, even if that mark is a scar."

John Green

People in my Life

I can honestly say that I have loved people with a passion, an intensity more than many. It's all I ever want to do. Is to love and be loved in return. But it is not that easy. There's always going to be someone who's like, "Fuck that person." And the always constant person who doesn't share how you feel. I digress.

You cannot make everybody happy all of the time. I don't want to. It's just, my heart has this certain earnestness and only wants to do good. I live in the most violent nation in the world and I'm not supposed to be violent. I'm not supposed to cry. And I am supposed to not give a fuck.

I cannot be indifferent. I will always have an opinion and I will always stand up for what is right.
So to the people who have hurt me, wronged me, all I say is I hope you're doing well.

I wish you my very very best.
Thank you for your love.

Roses: Read all about it

According to some Biblical legends, the original rose growing in the Garden of Eden was white, but turned red as it blushed with shame upon Adam and Eve's fall from grace.

If a maiden had more than one lover, it is believed in one mythology, she should take rose leaves and write the names of her lovers upon them before casting them into the wind. The last leaf to reach the ground would bear the name of the lover whom she should marry.

Roses were used in very early times as a very potent ingredient in love potions.
The good thing about science is that it’s true whether or not you believe in it.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
I see people that I could have been friends with, as in very good friends. We had so much potential to be something so great. Circumstances and people like sugar in a gas tank. We never had a chance. I look back fondly but sometimes I think what if? What if they had never said that one thing or moved away. Where would I be? Who?

I guess I'll never know.

part II (by ashlikaan)

(by m(air)y)

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Havin a bad day?

A Love Letter

Cat Stevens once said that it comes down to looking at yourself and figuring out that you're either in love and that’s everything, or you’re thinking about life so deeply that you get incredibly lost.
I think that I am a little bit of both.
That I am so deeply in love with you that I am lost.
And I can't imagine being found in a world that is not your arms.
It robs me of my breath and my hope for a better past.
Because now, now I can't imagine anything
but the brightest of futures.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

They never say to you, ‘What does his voice sound like? What games does he love best? Does he collect butterflies?’ Instead, they demand, ‘How old is he? How many brothers has he? How much money does his father make?’ Only from these figures do they think they have learned anything about him.
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry 
Roy Litchenstein

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Somedays are better than most
I am just so tired of doing nothing
People say go out and live
but I don't know what that means
I just do what I want
but that's not getting me anywhere
I feel really pressured to do well
go through college
get a job
get married
but I just wanna run

Coco Rocha photographed by Terry Richardson

Saying, ...time take us forward. Relief from this longing,
they can land that plane on my heart I don't care
just give me November, the warmth of a whisper
in the freezing darkness of my room. 

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Do you even love me?
Because I wouldn't even know it, because you never show it.

I know so much about everyone else. Why does no one know anything about me?
I'm always always asking how are you, but I wanna hear it too...

I'm just having a really hard time. I keep on reaching out for someone who understands, but, there's just no one there. I don't want this kind of life.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Favorite picture of all time.

I am. Everything.
I get so nervous when I talk to people. Social anxiety. I shake when I get really happy. My hands turn to ice. I am frozen in fear and desire. I want people so much that sometimes it knocks the air out of me. My ribcage and heart are sent careening into the air full of butterflies. I hate and love that. When I am alone my blood slows, thickens, and solidifies. I stay in one spot. A porcelain statue to look at. With people, my skin gets so hot and I melt again and again. I could die with happiness. Only to be born again the next morning and weep into my tea how I was secretly lonely. I think there are a million girls that are just like me. That makes me sad.
I am no dying breed.
I am nothing special.

and she cries when she touches herself
sweet salt running down her face
over her lips
onto her toungue
she wipes madly at her cheekbones
cursing the day that would come
damning the sun and the sad stars
she runs her long fingers through her long hair
they hit every tangle and move to somewhere else
they can’t be stopped
her fingers move down to her jaw
her throat
and clutch around tightly
a small pulse gently knocks on her fingertips
she begins crying again
not understanding the beat

Velvet Underground
"Pale Blue Eyes"

Thoughts consume your head until their definitions are such that they are beasts of different colors and they come for you like wounded butterflies in a controlled and sullen voice that makes you want to nurture someone, that makes you want to apologize to someone for something you did a long time again, that makes you want to just finally act on your attraction and not be such a coward about your own heart.

What to do when...

There are two people

One likes the other.

People say other likes one.

But one denies.

What do you believe when your heart beats fast?

When that blush fills your face?

Dear Blogger:

I have never been a relationship person. I want that badly, I do, but apparently I give off a feeling of despondency, which makes me unapproachable in such a manner. But the thing is, I'm quite fabulous if you just get to know me! I want to hold hands! I want to kiss your face! I want to be somebody to somebody. I'm just not. I have an open heart, but I will not let anyone just waltz in with a velvet voice and clever words. Everyone says I need to lower my standards. But. but. Why be with someone less than what I believe I deserve. I just want the best for me.

People say I deserve better, but. No one is willing to give it to me.

Matthew Gray Gubler photographed by Terry Richardson

How can an angel break my heart?

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Her life was a slow realization that the world was not for her and that, for whatever reason, she would never be happy and honest at the same time. She felt as if she were brimming, always producing and hoarding more love inside her. But there was no release. Table ivory elephant charm rainbow onion hairdo violence melodrama honey… None of it moved her. She addressed the world honestly, searching for something deserving of the volumes of love she knew she had within her; but to each, she would have to say, ‘I don’t love you.’
Jonathan Safran Foer
Christopher Kane

I hate you because you’re the one I love

i will wade out
                        till my thighs are steeped in burning flowers
I will take the sun in my mouth
and leap into the ripe air
                                                 with closed eyes
to dash against darkness
                                       in the sleeping curves of my body
Shall enter fingers of smooth mastery
with chasteness of sea-girls
                                            Will i complete the mystery
                                            of my flesh
I will rise
               After a thousand years
             And set my teeth in the silver of the moon
-E.E. Cummings

Monday, September 5, 2011

Make your own!

Origami Cranes

I love doing nothing.

I hear people complain all the time when they lay in bed all day. I just cannot believe that they have a problem with it. Laziness is not one of the very best attributes, I know that, but if you can, if it's okay, why not? It feels so good to lay in that cotton and know that every little thing is gonna be alright. Don't have to worry about what to say next, how you look, or anything. I guess because I'm so comfortable with being alone it doesn't irk me. I see kids in desks and they're just tapping away, bored out of their minds, so uneasy of not talking. Just itching for some human contact at all times. There's nothing wrong with that, it's just not the life I lead.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

you know how some people when they’re driving will put their arm out to like stop you when the car jolts forward
that is the sweetest thing anyone could ever do for me if you do that I will literally love you forever
“I hope you never have to think about anything as much as I think about you.” 
 Jonathan Safran Foer

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Clementine: Joely? 
Joel: Yeah Tangerine? 
Clementine: Am I ugly? 
Joel: Uh-uh. 
Clementine: When I was a kid, I thought I was. I can’t believe I’m crying already. Sometimes I think people don’t understand how lonely it is to be a kid, like you don’t matter. So, I’m eight, and I have these toys, these dolls. My favorite is this ugly girl doll who I call Clementine, and I keep yelling at her, “You can’t be ugly! Be pretty!” It’s weird, like if I can transform her, I would magically change, too. 
Joel: [kisses Clementine] You’re pretty. 
Clementine: Joely, don’t ever leave me. 
Joel: You’re pretty… you’re pretty… pretty…

Blue Valentine

I feel like men are more romantic than women. When we get married we marry, like, one girl, ‘cause we’re resistant the whole way until we meet one girl and we think I’d be an idiot if I didn’t marry this girl she’s so great. But it seems like girls get to a place where they just kinda pick the best option… ‘Oh he’s got a good job.’ I mean they spend their whole life looking for Prince Charming and then they marry the guy who’s got a good job and is gonna stick around.
-Blue Valentine 

So wherever you are, I hope you’re happy. I really do. I hope the stars are kissing your cheeks tonight. I hope you finally found a way to quit smoking. I hope your lungs are open and breathing your life. I hope there’s a kite in your hand that’s flying all the way up to Orion and you still got a thousand yards of string to let out. I hope you’re smiling like God is pulling at the corners of your mouth ‘cause I might be naked and lonely, shaking branches for bones but I’m still time zones away from who I was the day before we met. You were my first mile where my heart broke a sweat and I wish you were here. I wish you’d never left, but mostly I wish you well.
I wish you my very, very best.
Photograph by Andrea Gibson 

No, I guess I don't.
Know what love is.
I haven’t touched it for myself.
But what I cannot stand is people telling me.
How my heart beats.
How it should work.
But I can feel it.
This certain earnestness within.
That only wants to do good.
I say to my heart,
“Don’t worry, baby.
Someone will understand.”
But they haven’t so far.
I keep walking with my offbeat pulse
Out of sync with everyone else
and I long.
For someone to just bump into me
and I can hear theirs too.
That they have the same beat.

Requiem for a Dream

Marion: [after Harry tells her she’s beautiful] That’s nice, Harry. Other people have told me that before, and it was meaningless. When you say it, I hear it.

Requiem for a Dream

I weep like a willow, moan like a dove.
Weep like a willow, moan like a dove
Weep like a willow, moan like a dove

Life ain’t worth livin’,
 if you ain’t with the one you love
  The rolling mill, baby, done broke down
   They’re shipping no iron to town

   The longest train I ever seen
   Ran round Joe Brown’s coal mine

   The engine was at the Four Mile Hill
   And the cab had never left town

   Corinne, Corinne, my lovin’ Corinne,
   Honey, let your bangs grow long

   The train rolled of the tracks last night
   And killed my lovin’ Corinne

Sweet dreams baby.
“And you want to travel with him 
And you want to travel blind 
And you think maybe you’ll trust him 
For he’s touched your perfect body 
with his mind.”

— Leonard Cohen
Self-loathing is not a fucking character-builder. It doesn’t make you stronger. It doesn’t make you better. It’s just an ever-deepening, creepy-ass trap; a trap that is a huge moneymaker for corporations that do not have and never will have good intentions. You’re not disgusting. You’re not freakish. You’re not ugly. And you’re never going to be perfect. And holy shit, that is so okay.
Jane, Casual Blasphemies
Dream by Priscilla Ahn


Mother how strange that I was once an unseeable creature swimming in your body’s ocean, rocked to sleep by your heartbeat rhythm
how strange that we are
far apart as islands now
Mother when I was younger
you were my everything,
life devoid of you
a potential too dark
to imagine
I used to press my face
against cold windowpanes
in dire anticipation of
the sight of your car sailing down a river of asphalt
coming home to me
your sweaters were soft
and smelled like safety
Mother I no longer wait
for you like I did then
I wear a silver pendant
around my neck
to remind me of you
Mother they tell me
I look like you
Mother do you remember
when I was a dim constellation
in the salty fluid universe
of your womb
I wonder if you whispered
old stories and sayings to me,
hummed to me
when we were alone
I wonder
if I heard you

if you lived here, you’d be home

A man was feeding birds and I asked him why. “So they’re strong enough to take me to heaven.” The day he died I had never seen more birds in my entire life.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Your taste buds change every 7 years.

I used to not like egg rolls at all. I refused every one that was offered. And now, I love them. Sometimes I think about all of the eggrolls I passed up and I am legitamately sad.
Oh, life is woe.


Phil Collins
Against all Odds

 if you wanna burn yourself remember that I love you and if you wanna cut yourself remember that I love you and if you wanna kill yourself remember that I love you 
call me up before your dead, we can make some plans instead send me an IM, I’ll be your friend.
Kimya Dawson 

Sway with Me

Charles Bukowski